i hate this

Prologue:
While reading please listen to the song i posted :P, it's the first of satie's trois morceaux en forme de poire :) i used to play it on piano a long long time ago

i hate this:

If there's something that i really, but i mean, REALLY hate..., is getting existencialistic, thinking one day i won't be here and i wont be able to feel, hear, sing, touch, love and be loved... it scares the shit out of me...
Is there a god? hope there is one, i can't be sure of any of that, i envy those who's faith is so strong that they don't care about death at all, at least not about their's... i just know i'm here and someday i won't be here in the same manner i am...
So... whenever i begin thinking this sort of think i become breathless and i can't be still, if i was a smoker i'd sure light a cigarrette (yeah, even when breathless, they use it to stress out, don't they? :P). I just feel like Sisyphus going up that hill again, knowing no hope awaits on the other side of the mountain and knowing the rock will still fall...
I can't really shake that feeling of desperation, the only things that sort of calm me down is watching tv, listening to music or talking with anyone about anything...

Enough whining for today...